30 things you should know before your first time
A lesbian is a homosexual woman. The word lesbian is also used for women in relation to their sexual identity or sexual behavior, regardless of sexual orientation, or as an adjective to describe or associate nouns with female homosexuality or same-sex attraction.
The concept of “lesbian” to differentiate women with a common sexual orientation evolved in the 20th century. Throughout history, women have not had the same freedom or independence as men to pursue same-sex relationships, but neither have they been punished as harshly as gay men in some societies. Conversely, lesbian relationships have often been viewed as harmless unless one participant attempts to claim privileges traditionally enjoyed by men.
As a result, little in history has been documented to provide an accurate account of how female homosexuality was expressed. When early sexologists in the late 19th century began to categorize and describe homosexual behavior, hindered by a lack of knowledge about homosexuality or women’s sexuality, they distinguished lesbians as women who did not adhere to feminine gender roles. They were classified as mentally ill—a designation that has been reversed since the late 20th century in the global scientific community.
Women in same-sex relationships in Europe and the United States responded to discrimination and repression by either hiding their private lives or accepting the outcast label and creating a subculture and identity. AFTER World War II, during a period of social repression when governments actively persecuted homosexuals, women developed networks to socialize and educate each other. Gaining greater economic and social freedom allowed them to determine how they could create relationships and families.
With second-wave feminism and the growth of knowledge in the history and sexuality of women in the late 20th century, the definition of lesbian was broadened, leading to debate about the use of the term. While research by Lisa M. Diamond identified sexual desire as the key ingredient in defining lesbianism, some women who engage in same-sex sexual activity may reject not only being identified as a lesbian but also as bisexual. also. Other women’s self-identification as lesbians may not align with their sexual orientation or sexual behavior. Sexual identity is not necessarily the same as one’s sexual orientation or sexual behavior, for a variety of reasons, such as the fear of identifying one’s sexual orientation in a homophobic setting.
Also read: WHEN IS THE BEST TIME OF DAY TO HAVE SEX
Things to consider
Having sex for the first time can be a little overwhelming, no matter who you are or who you want to have sex with. Since there are so many myths and misconceptions about lesbian sex, it’s important to educate yourself about how sex can work and how to practice safer sex.
Here’s what you need to know. (How do lesbians have sex?)
Any person can have any kind of sex
- Before we talk about lesbian sex, let’s talk about what the idiom means.
- Often people use the term “lesbian sex” for sex between two women. If this is the case, keep in mind that these women may not identify as lesbian.
- For example, they may describe themselves as bisexual, pansexual, queer, or even heterosexual. Sex between women is not limited to lesbians.
- Also, keep in mind that “lesbian sex” isn’t limited to gender-neutral couples.
- It also includes other people with a vagina, people with a penis, and people with intersex genitalia.
- For example, heterosexual couples can have oral, manual, or penetrative sex. It all depends on the couple and what they like to do.
- Similarly, lesbian sex – or sex between women, whether cis or trans – can involve any kind of sex you want to try.
Sex means different things to different people
Through school, the media, and our communities, most of us learn that sex means the penis entering the vagina.
While many people only see pen-in-vaginal sex as “real” sex, the definition of gender is fluid. Sex means different things to different people.
Here’s an incomplete list of what might be considered sex for you:
1. oral sex performed in the vagina, penis, or anus
2. manual sex, including hand work, finger work, clitoral play, anal play, and fisting
3. breast and nipple play
4. penile-vaginal sex
5. sex on the penis in the anus
6. use of sex toys
7. mutual masturbation
8. genital rubbing
9. kisses and hugs
So what counts as “lesbian sex” really depends on the person doing it. You can define sex as broadly or as narrowly as you like!
Don’t believe everything you hear
There are many myths about lesbian sex. Here are some:
- Someone has to be “the man” in the script. Some people think that one partner does all the penetrating while the other does all the receiving. This is dynamic for some couples, but not all — and remember, penetration doesn’t make you a “man.”
- It’s easier because you’re both women. Remember that just because you’re both females doesn’t mean you have the same genitalia — for example, one person might be a cis woman with a vagina, while the other might be a trans woman with a penis. Even if you have the same genitalia, everybody is different. What one partner finds enjoyable, another may find boring.
- You must use a strap. Strap-ons are sex toys that are often shaped like a penis. They are attached to a partner’s pelvis using a harness or panty-like attachment. They can be used to penetrate the vagina or anus. While these can be nice, they are not necessary. Whether you use one is up to you.
- You have to scissors. Scissoring is when two people with vaginas spread their legs and rub their vulvae together. While some people enjoy this, it is a huge myth that all lesbians do this. Many find it impractical and unpleasant.
- Orgasm is the ultimate goal. Most people think that sex ends when one or both partners have an orgasm. This doesn’t have to be the case. Sex can be enjoyable without an orgasm, and it’s perfectly fine to stop having sex without one or both of you having an orgasm.
- You don’t have to worry about STDs or pregnancy. It is possible to get pregnant if one partner has a penis and another has a vagina. It is also possible to transmit STDs from one person to another, regardless of their genitalia.
If you haven’t already, familiarize yourself with your own anatomy
Masturbation can help you relax and figure out what works for you.
You may like to touch yourself in certain places and with certain movements. This can help you tell your partner what you like.
And if your partner has the same anatomy as you, masturbating can help you better navigate his anatomy. It can also give you a good idea of what they might like.
Remember that everyone is different. What is pleasant to one person may not be pleasant to another.
Be ready to communicate with your partner
Asking for permission is very important. Even if your partner has already said she wants to have sex, it’s important to check in before it’s time.
Remember that she, like you, has the right to withdraw your consent during sex. If you’re nervous, talk to your partner about it. Share if you have never had sex or done certain sexual activities in the past.
Ask her what she likes to do or what she’d like to try, or share your own ideas.
Not sure what to say? Here are some phrases you can use before or during sex:
- May I kiss you?
- Can we have [sexual activity]?
- Can I take your clothes off?
- Would you like to have sex?
- I would like to have [sexual activity]. What do you think;
- Are you having fun?
- To stop;
- Are you comfortable with this?
You should never make assumptions about what your partner does or doesn’t want.
Always meet with her and ask them what they want before moving to the next level.
What to expect from breast and nipple play
Remember that some people have sensitive nipples, so be gentle and ask your partner how much pressure they want you to apply.
Breast and nipple play could include:
- rubbing nipples between your fingers
- gently pulling on the nipples
- licking, sucking, or kissing nipples or breasts
- using sex toys on nipples, such as nipple clamps or using a vibrator or feather tickler on the nipples
- using ice cubes or nipple-tingling lube to create interesting sensations.
How manual genital or anal stimulation works
Manual stimulation is all about using your hands to please your partner. Experiment with different movements, different types of pressure, and different speeds.
Depending on their anatomy and personal preferences, you can try:
- rubbing their clit trying circular and up and down movements at various speeds and pressures
- using a finger to find their G-spot, a rough patch of tissue on the vaginal wall
- lightly touching the area around their clitoris or vagina in a teasing motion (How do lesbians have sex?)
- touching the skin just outside their anus
- penetrating their anus with your fingers (How do lesbians have sex?)
If your partner has a penis
There are many ways to manually stimulate someone who has a penis. Some ideas include:
- performing a hand task by holding their penis firmly and sliding their hand up and down. ask your partner what speed and pressure he would prefer
- gently rubbing or massaging the head of their penis
- touching and rubbing their scrotum and perineum, which is the area between the scrotum and anus
- touching the skin just outside their anus
- penetrating their anus with your fingers
What to expect from oral-genital or anal stimulation
Oral stimulation is exactly what it sounds like, using your mouth and tongue to please your partner.
You can kiss, lick or suck:
- area around the clitoris or vagina
- vaginal opening
- inner thighs
If your partner has a penis
You could kiss, lick or suck:
- scrotum and perineum
- inner thighs
What to expect from finger, fist, and other penetration
Penetration is often associated with penises, but you can enter the vagina or anus with many different things, including your fingers, your fist, or sex. (How do lesbians have sex?)
Remember that penile-vaginal sex can lead to pregnancy, so talk to your partner about your birth control options.
You can try:
- penis-vaginal sex
- vaginal finger
- punch in the ass
- inserting a dildo or vibrator
If you’re going to have anal sex, you need a little more preparation. The anus does not produce its own natural lubrication, so it is very important to use a lubricant. Go gently, as the lining of the anus’s walls is thinner than that of the vagina. (How do lesbians have sex?)
You can try:
- penile-anal sex
- anal finger
- fist in the anus
- inserting a dildo or vibrator
- using an anal plug or other toy designed specifically for the anus
Places to try
There are probably hundreds of different sex positions, but now is not the time to try your hand at erotic gymnastics.
Start with the proven moves below and go from there.
For oral or manual sex, try lying with your legs apart
Lie on your back with your legs apart. If it’s more comfortable, you can bend your knees.
Your partner can then lie on their stomach between your legs.
For penis-in-vagina sex, missionary usually works
Missionary is notorious for being boring – but it doesn’t have to be!
In this position, the person with the vagina lies on their back. The person with a penis lies face down on them and inserts their penis into their vagina.
If you want, you can put a pillow under your pelvis to raise it. This can improve the angle and make it more enjoyable for both of you.
For penetrative anal sex, doggy style is often comfortable
To do this, the pierced person stands on all fours with the knees apart.
They can rest their head on their forearms or straighten their forearms and keep their back straight.
The donor can then kneel behind them and insert their fingers, penis, or sex toy into their anus.
You can also try this position for oral anal stimulation.
Remember, many sexual acts can transmit STDs
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 20 million Americans contract a sexually transmitted infection (STD) each year.
Your individual risk of STDs depends on a number of factors, including:
- what sexual activities do you do?
- both your and your partner’s sexual history
- if you use condoms or other barrier methods
Remember, you can get STDs regardless of your or your partner’s anatomy.
Pregnancy can also be possible
Too often people assume that lesbians can’t get pregnant or that lesbian sex won’t lead to pregnancy. This is a myth based on the assumption that both women are awkward.
If one partner is trans and has a penis and the other is gay and has a vagina, they can have penis-in-vagina sex.
In most cases, this means pregnancy is possible.
If you want to avoid pregnancy, talk to your partner about birth control.
How to practice safer sex
Here are some ways to reduce your risk of STDs and other infections:
- Dental dams. Use these if you perform oral sex, either in the vagina or anus.
- External condoms. You can use them for penis-to-vagina sex, penis-to-anal sex, or oral-to-penis sex.
- Internal condoms. You can use them for pen-to-vaginal sex or pen-to-anal sex.
- Gloves or cots. These can protect you during manual genital stimulation such as fingering, handjob, and clitoral stimulation. They may feel more comfortable when used with lube.
- Hand hygiene. When it comes to fingers, clitoral stimulation, and hand jobs, hand hygiene is essential. Always wash your hands beforehand to avoid spreading germs. You should also keep your nails short if you plan to penetrate someone with your fingers. This helps prevent cuts and tears, which can be painful and lead to infections. You can also put rubber gloves on daddies to give a different feel.
- Lubricate. Lubricant is great for penetrative sex of any kind because it reduces the risk of tearing and irritation inside the vagina or anus. It’s especially important for anal sex because, unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t make its own lubricant.
- Keep all toys clean. Sex toys can transfer infections from one person to another, so clean sex toys thoroughly between uses. You might also consider putting a condom on dildos and other penetration toys before use – this can make cleaning easier, as well as provide a different sensation.
- Check regularly. Whether you have a steady partner or have more sporadic sex, getting tested is important. Your doctor or other health care provider can advise you on how often you should be tested and what to test for.
The bottom line
While the thought of having sex for the first time can be overwhelming, the good news is that there is plenty of information to help you along the way.
The best news is that sex is a skill – and the more you practice, the better you’ll get at it!
If you have questions, it may be helpful to speak with an LGBTQ+-friendly healthcare provider. They can offer more specific information and help point you to others.